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If you’re estranged from family members, the festive season can stir up emotions, nostalgia, regret, longing, or even fear.
While not every rift can or should be healed, Christmas can be a meaningful time to consider whether reaching out is right for you.
Here are some gentle, practical steps if you’re thinking about reconnecting:
1. Reflect Before Reaching Out
Before sending that card, message, or making a phone call, take a moment to ask yourself what you truly want. Is it reconciliation, a simple hello, or just letting them know you’re thinking of them? Clarity will help you approach the situation with calm and purpose.
2. Start Small
A simple Christmas card or message can be a less intimidating first step than a phone call or visit. You could write something like:
“I’ve been thinking of you this Christmas and hope you are well. If you’d like to reconnect, I’d love to hear from you.”
This opens the door gently, without placing pressure on the other person.
3. Manage Expectations
Estrangement often comes with hurt and history. One message may not erase years of distance. Be prepared for different outcomes—they may respond warmly, take time, or not respond at all. Protecting your own emotions while leaving space for theirs is key.
4. Use Neutral Ground
If both parties are willing, suggest meeting somewhere neutral, like a café or park. This reduces pressure and creates a safe space for conversation. Avoid jumping straight into family gatherings, which can feel overwhelming.
5. Focus on the Present
Try to keep your communication centred on now and the future, rather than rehashing old arguments. Sharing simple updates about your life and asking about theirs can help rebuild a foundation without reopening wounds too quickly.
6. Respect Boundaries—Including Your Own
Not all family rifts can or should be mended. If contact risks harming your wellbeing, it’s perfectly valid to prioritise your own peace. Similarly, if your relative isn’t ready to reconnect, respect their space.
7. Create Your Own Christmas Traditions
Even if reconciliation doesn’t happen, you can still embrace the spirit of Christmas. Surround yourself with friends, chosen family, and rituals that bring comfort. Love and connection don’t have to be limited to blood ties.
Reaching out to estranged family at Christmas can be daunting, but it also offers the possibility of healing, closure, or at least kindness.
Whether your attempt leads to a renewed relationship or simply the knowledge that you tried, you’re honouring both the season and yourself.
Some useful resources:-
https://buttleuk.org/news/news-list/surviving-estrangement-interview-with-a-young-person