Navigating Family Distance at Christmastime

The Christmas season often brings to mind images of joyful family gatherings, festive meals, and the warm exchange of gifts. 

But for some, Christmas can also highlight the absence of a loved one who chooses to decline family contact. 

If you’re facing this situation, it’s natural to feel hurt, confused, or even frustrated. Here are some thoughtful ways to navigate this sensitive scenario with grace and understanding.

1. Understand Their Perspective

It’s essential to recognise that there could be many reasons why a relative might choose to distance themselves during the Christmas season.

They might be dealing with personal struggles, such as mental health issues, unresolved family tensions, or simply a preference for solitude. While their decision may feel personal, it’s often more about their own needs than a reflection on you or the family.

Take a moment to reflect on any past interactions that might provide insight into their feelings. If they’ve shared their reasons for stepping back, respect their honesty, even if it’s difficult to hear.

2. Communicate Without Pressure

If appropriate, reach out to your relative in a way that feels non-intrusive. A simple message expressing that you’re thinking of them can go a long way. For example:

"Hi [Name], I hope you’re doing well. Just wanted to let you know we’re thinking of you this Christmas. If you’d like to join us or chat, we’re always here."

This kind of communication lets them know they’re welcome without placing pressure on them to respond or participate.

3. Respect Their Boundaries

While it’s natural to wish for their presence, pushing too hard can strain the relationship further. If they’ve clearly stated that they need space, respect their wishes. Boundaries are a form of self-care, and honouring them shows that you value their autonomy.

4. Focus on the Family That Is Present

It can be easy to dwell on who’s missing, but try to shift your focus to the loved ones who are there. Celebrate the connections you have and create new memories with those who choose to participate. This doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or replacing the absent relative—it’s about finding joy in the present moment.

5. Offer an Olive Branch for the Future

If you’re open to reconnecting in the future, make sure your relative knows the door is always open. This could be as simple as sending a New Year’s card or a message later in the year to check in. Sometimes, the pressure of the holidays can make reconnection feel overwhelming, but a neutral time might be more conducive to rebuilding bridges.

6. Seek Support for Your Own Feelings

It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed about their absence. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor about your emotions. Sharing your feelings can help you process them and prevent resentment from building up.

7. Avoid Assigning Blame

Try not to frame the situation as “their fault.” Blame can deepen divides and make reconciliation harder. Instead, focus on understanding and empathy. People often make decisions based on their own needs and experiences, even if those decisions hurt others unintentionally.

8. Reflect on Family Dynamics

Sometimes, a relative’s withdrawal can be a sign of deeper issues within the family. Use this time to reflect on whether there are unresolved conflicts or patterns that need addressing. Consider whether professional mediation or family counselling might help in the long term.

9. Celebrate in a Way That Feels Right

If their absence significantly changes the family dynamic, consider adapting your celebrations. This could mean starting a new tradition or simplifying your plans. Change can be bittersweet, but it can also open the door to meaningful growth.

10. Practice Patience and Hope

Relationships evolve, and what feels impossible now might shift over time. Patience and hope are powerful tools. By showing consistent care and understanding, you leave the door open for future reconnection.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a relative who declines family contact at Christmastime is never easy, but it’s an opportunity to practice compassion—for them and yourself. By respecting their choices and focusing on the love and joy that remain in your life, you can find a balance between honouring their needs and cherishing the holiday season.

Remembering the Isolated and Housebound at Christmas

That's Christmas has covered this topic before. We are covering it again and will almost certainly cover it in the future, too.

Christmas is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. Families gather, friends exchange gifts, and communities come alive with festive cheer. 

But for many, the holiday season can be a stark reminder of their isolation.

For those who are housebound due to illness, disability, or age, or for those who feel socially isolated, Christmas can be a lonely time. 

As we embrace the festive spirit, it’s important to think of those who may not have the same opportunities to connect with others and to find ways to bring them comfort and joy.

The Reality of Isolation at Christmas

For some, isolation isn’t a choice—it’s a circumstance. Elderly individuals, people with chronic illnesses, or those living alone may find it difficult to leave their homes, let alone partake in the hustle and bustle of the season. Others may be grieving the loss of loved ones or feel disconnected from family and friends.

The festive season, with its emphasis on togetherness, can amplify feelings of loneliness. While the world outside is celebrating, those who are isolated may feel forgotten or left behind.

Why It Matters to Reach Out

Christmas is about more than gifts and decorations; it’s about sharing love, kindness, and goodwill. By reaching out to those who are isolated or housebound, we can help them feel valued and included. A simple gesture can make a world of difference, turning what might otherwise be a lonely day into a moment of warmth and connection.

How You Can Help

Here are some meaningful ways to bring joy to those who may be spending Christmas alone:

Make Time for a Visit

If you know someone who is housebound, a visit can brighten their day. Bring a small gift, share a cup of tea, or simply spend time chatting. Your presence can be the best gift of all.

Send a Thoughtful Card or Gift

A handwritten card or a thoughtful gift can show someone that you’re thinking of them. Personal touches, like a letter or a homemade treat, can make the gesture even more special.

Offer Practical Help

For those who are housebound, simple tasks like shopping or decorating for Christmas can be challenging. Offering to help with errands or putting up a tree can bring the festive spirit into their home.

Include Them in Your Celebrations

If possible, invite someone who is isolated to join your Christmas celebrations. Whether it’s a meal, a church service, or a small gathering, including them can make them feel part of the festivities.

Volunteer with Local Organisations

Many charities and community groups organise initiatives to support isolated individuals at Christmas. Volunteering your time can help ensure that no one is forgotten.

Call or Video Chat

If distance or circumstances prevent an in-person visit, a phone call or video chat can still provide a meaningful connection. Hearing a friendly voice or seeing a familiar face can lift someone’s spirits.

A Reminder of What Matters

While the season is often busy, taking the time to think of those who are isolated or housebound reminds us of the true meaning of Christmas. It’s about kindness, compassion, and extending love to those who need it most.

This year, let’s make an effort to ensure that no one feels forgotten. Whether it’s through a small act of kindness or a grand gesture, we can bring light to someone’s Christmas and remind them that they’re not alone.

Because at its heart, Christmas is about connection—not just with those we hold dear, but with everyone around us. And in reaching out to the isolated, we embody the very spirit of the season.

Alone This Christmas? That Doesn’t Mean You Have to Be Lonely

For some, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, filled with laughter, family, and traditions. But for others, it can bring a sharp pang of loneliness, especially if this is your first year spending it alone. 

Whether it’s due to a move, a breakup, or simply the way the circumstances have fallen, being solo this festive season doesn’t mean it has to be bleak. In fact, it’s an opportunity to create a unique and fulfilling holiday experience tailored entirely to you.

Here are some ways to thrive and adapt while embracing a solo Christmas:

1. Reframe the Narrative

Instead of focusing on what you’re missing, think about what you’re gaining: freedom, self-discovery, and a chance to break away from obligatory traditions that may not resonate with you. This is your holiday to shape.

2. Start Your Own Traditions

What have you always wanted to do at Christmas but never could? Eat a decadent breakfast in bed, binge-watch your favourite movies all day, or open presents at midnight? Start a tradition that excites you, no matter how unconventional.

3. Connect Virtually or Locally

Thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to stay connected. Schedule video calls with friends or family, or join online communities celebrating Christmas. Locally, consider attending a festive event, a carol service, or even volunteering—it’s a brilliant way to meet people and spread holiday cheer.

4. Volunteer for a Good Cause

Many charities and community organisations need extra hands over the holidays. Serving meals, wrapping gifts, or simply providing companionship can fill your day with purpose and connection while making someone else’s Christmas special.

5. Treat Yourself

Splurge on something you love, whether it’s a luxurious meal, a cosy Christmas jumper, or a long soak in the bath with your favourite scents. Celebrate yourself—you deserve it.

6. Get Outdoors

A brisk winter walk can do wonders for your mood. Whether it’s through a park, along the coast, or just around your neighbourhood, nature has a calming and restorative effect. Bonus: walking is an excellent way to work up an appetite for a Christmas feast, solo or not!

7. Rediscover Hobbies or Learn Something New

Use the quieter time to pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read, start a creative project, or learn a new skill. It’s the perfect distraction and may become a fulfilling part of your routine moving forward.

8. Focus on Gratitude

Take a moment to reflect on the positives in your life. Write down things you’re thankful for, no matter how small. Gratitude can shift your mindset and help you appreciate the joy in simple moments.

9. Embrace Quiet Moments

While Christmas is often loud and bustling, there’s a peaceful beauty in a quiet celebration. Light some candles, play soft music, and savour the stillness. It’s a chance to reconnect with yourself in ways that can be overlooked in the chaos of larger gatherings.

10. Plan for Next Year

If spending Christmas alone isn’t something you want to repeat, start thinking about next year now. Reach out to friends or family to make plans early, or consider booking a trip to a destination where you can celebrate with like-minded travellers.

Remember: Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely

Christmas is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no one-size-fits-all way to celebrate. If you’re spending it solo, focus on making the day meaningful and enjoyable in your own way. This year may look different, but it could also be the start of a beautiful new tradition—one where you discover the joy of your own company and the endless possibilities of a self-made celebration.

Some Churches offer "Blue Christmas" services for people who are bereaved or facing a difficult Christmas  https://churchsupporthub.org/all-resources/how-we-adapted-blue-christmas-for-the-bereaved

You’ve got this. Wishing you a Christmas filled with peace, joy, and a touch of magic.

Don’t Let the Blues Steal Your Christmas Cheer

As the festive season rolls in, we’re surrounded by twinkling lights, cheerful carols, and the promise of joyful gatherings. 

But what happens when you’re just not feeling it? 

That quiet heaviness, the sense that everyone else is revelling in Christmas magic while you’re struggling to muster a smile. 

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Feeling down at Christmas isn’t uncommon, and it’s okay to admit that the holiday season doesn’t automatically bring joy. But that doesn’t mean you have to let feelings of sadness, anxiety, or stress overshadow the season. Let’s talk about ways to navigate these emotions while still finding some sparkle in the season.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step to feeling better is accepting how you feel. There’s no shame in admitting that you’re struggling. Life doesn’t pause for Christmas—whether it’s work stress, financial worries, grief, or just a lingering sense of loneliness. Pretending to be happy when you’re not can be exhausting. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without judgement.

Set Realistic Expectations

The pressure to have a “perfect Christmas” can be overwhelming. Social media, films, and even adverts paint an idyllic picture of the season—something few of us actually experience. Take the pressure off. Christmas doesn’t have to be a big production; it’s okay to keep things simple. Focus on what’s meaningful to you, whether that’s a quiet evening with your pet, a catch-up with a close friend, or even just treating yourself to a festive snack.

Prioritise Self-Care

Christmas often comes with a busy schedule, but it’s vital to carve out time for yourself. Take a walk, journal your thoughts, or even have a duvet day if you need it. Don’t feel obligated to say “yes” to every invitation—learning to set boundaries is a gift to yourself. And don’t underestimate the power of rest and routine; even during the holidays, maintaining healthy habits can help stabilise your mood.

Reach Out

If you’re feeling isolated, try to connect with someone. Whether it’s a quick chat with a friend, a phone call to family, or attending a local event, even small moments of connection can help you feel less alone. If your feelings of sadness or anxiety feel overwhelming, it’s also a good time to seek support. Speaking to a counsellor or helpline can be a lifeline when you need it most.

Find Little Joys

Even in darker times, small joys can be found. Perhaps it’s the glow of fairy lights, the smell of mulled wine, or the comfort of a warm jumper. Engage in small, seasonal activities that make you feel good, whether it’s baking biscuits, writing Christmas cards, or cuddling up with a hot chocolate and a festive film. Focus on tiny moments of happiness—they can add up.

Remember, It’s Just a Season

Christmas, for all its sparkle and splendour, is just a small part of the year. If it feels too heavy right now, remind yourself that it will pass. You don’t need to have everything sorted by the New Year, and it’s okay to approach January at your own pace.

The Gift of Kindness

Lastly, be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. The magic of Christmas isn’t in expensive gifts or elaborate plans—it’s in the quiet moments of love, gratitude, and compassion, including the compassion you show to yourself.

If you’re feeling a bit low this holiday season, remember: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to let the blues steal your Christmas. With a bit of gentleness and care, you can still find your own quiet joy in the season.

Some churches run special Blue Christmas services for people like yourself. Google "Blue Christmas in my area" and see what results you get.

Here’s to a Christmas where peace matters more than perfection. You’ve got this.

Age UK launches its Together, We're Not Alone Christmas Campaign

Age UK has launched its Christmas campaign, Together, we’re not alone, and is putting out a call for support and donations to help those facing the festive period by themselves.

Loneliness can become more common as we age, due to ordinary life changes such as the bereavement of a partner, increased mobility issues or health complications. 

Many also feel the need to sacrifice their social spending to be able to afford the rising cost of household bills, especially following the loss of the Winter Fuel Payment.

Last year, Age UK found that nearly 1.4 million older people said they felt more isolated at Christmas than any other time of the year, while a similar number told Age UK that they would be eating dinner alone on Christmas Day.

However, Age UK’s research also shows that change is possible, with nearly a quarter of those over 65 (3.1 million) agreeing that just a phone call or a visit from a loved one, friend or neighbour would make Christmas easier for them.

That’s why donating to Age UK’s Together, we’re not alone campaign is so important. Funds raised will help the Charity to continue its vital work in tackling loneliness amongst older people, by supporting its free, national services, including its Telephone Friendship Service, The Silver Line Helpline and Advice Line, all of which are crucial for those who have no one else to turn to.

Age UK Telephone Friendship Service user, Ted, 89, first began to experience loneliness when his wife of 67 years developed dementia. She was moved into a care home and sadly passed away a couple of years ago: “When Jess went, it was so lonely. She was my life. We did everything together. I miss being able to go into a room and give her a little cuddle and a kiss.

“Age UK is so important. If I’ve got a problem, I know I can phone them up and they will be there for me. I look forward to the call with my Telephone Friend, Lisa, every week. If I’m feeling down, she takes me out of myself. I organise my dinner around it so we can have a good chat. It’s a lifeline really.”

Dame Judi Dench, who is Age UK ambassador, said: “The idea of being completely alone and isolated at a time when so many people are coming together with their nearest and dearest rally breaks my heart. 

Dame Judi went on to say: "No older person should feel like they don’t have anybody to talk to which is why I’m supporting Age UK’s ‘Together, we’re not alone’ campaign. Please donate to Age UK if you can this Christmas. Your donations will truly help to change lives!”

Obviously, Age UK can’t be there without the public’s support, which is why the Charity is asking everybody to donate what they can this Christmas. Together, the Charity promises to help change the lives of older people. Together, we’re not alone.

To donate, please visit: www.ageuk.org.uk/christmasappeal. Age UK has also launched a new Loneliness Guide which features the Charity’s latest information and advice on the subject as well as bringing together lived experiences from different focus groups. This can be found here: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/loneliness-guide.

Ensuring a Joyous Christmas for Those in Care Homes, Living Alone, or Experiencing Homelessness

As the festive season approaches, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of gift shopping, decorating, and planning family gatherings. However, for many people, Christmas can be a time of isolation, loneliness, and hardship. 

This is especially true for those living in care homes, people who live alone, and individuals who are homeless. 

While Christmas is often seen as a season of joy and togetherness, it's crucial that we extend our compassion and kindness to those who may not have a festive home to return to, or a family to share the holidays with.

So, how can we help ensure that everyone has a joyous Christmas?

1. Visit and Volunteer in Care Homes

For many residents in care homes, Christmas can be a lonely time, particularly if they have few or no family members to visit them. Loneliness in older adults can be particularly acute during the festive season, so giving just a few hours of your time can make a significant difference. Here are some ways you can contribute:

Organise a group visit: Bringing a group of friends or family to sing Christmas carols, or simply engage in conversation, can bring joy and laughter to care home residents.

Volunteer your time: Many care homes seek volunteers during the festive period to assist with Christmas activities, such as decorating, setting up a Christmas meal, or playing board games.

Gift-giving initiatives: Take part in initiatives like 'Secret Santa for the Elderly,' where you can donate or deliver gifts to care home residents who may otherwise not receive any.

2. Reach Out to Those Living Alone

Christmas can be particularly hard for people who live alone, especially if they have little or no family around. Whether it’s a neighbour, an acquaintance, or a family friend, there are many small yet meaningful ways to include them in the festive cheer:

Invite them to your Christmas celebrations: If possible, extend an invitation to your Christmas meal or other festive gatherings.

Deliver a home-cooked meal: Sharing a bit of home comfort, especially a Christmas dinner, can make someone feel connected and cared for.

Offer company: A simple act of dropping by for a cup of tea or spending an afternoon together can mean the world to someone who spends most of their time alone.

3. Support the Homeless Community

For those experiencing homelessness, the festive season can feel like a particularly harsh reminder of their circumstances. But there are ways we can help make this time more bearable and even joyous for them:

Donate to shelters and charities: Organisations that support homeless people, like Shelter and Crisis, often run Christmas appeals to fund meals, warm clothing, and temporary shelter during the cold months. Donating money or essential items is a great way to help.

Volunteer your time: Many homeless shelters and community kitchens require extra help during Christmas. Volunteers are often needed to serve meals, distribute clothes, or simply lend a friendly ear.

Organise gift drives: Get your community involved by organising a drive to collect Christmas presents, such as toiletries, winter accessories, and books, which can then be distributed to local shelters.

4. Fundraising and Donations

In addition to volunteering and visiting, fundraising is another excellent way to support vulnerable people during Christmas. You could organise a Christmas jumper day at work, host a bake sale, or set up an online donation page, with proceeds going to charities that assist the elderly, homeless, and socially isolated. Every little bit counts, and your efforts could bring warmth and hope to someone who desperately needs it.

5. Support Community Initiatives

Many local communities host Christmas events specifically designed to bring people together, including those who may feel isolated. From community Christmas lunches to carol services, these initiatives create a sense of belonging and inclusion. Support these efforts by attending, donating, or helping with the organisation. Encouraging others in your community to do the same can help foster a more inclusive and joyous Christmas spirit.

6. Spread Kindness and Positivity

Lastly, never underestimate the power of small acts of kindness. Whether it’s offering a friendly smile, holding a door open, or simply being patient in crowded shops, these gestures can lift someone’s spirits. The Christmas season is a perfect time to spread love and positivity.

In Conclusion

Christmas is a time for generosity, love, and compassion. While it can be easy to focus on the merriment within our own homes, it’s vital to remember those who may not have the luxury of family gatherings, warm homes, or even a roof over their heads. By reaching out to care home residents, including those living alone, and supporting the homeless community, we can help ensure that everyone, no matter their circumstances, experiences some of the joy that the festive season promises.

This Christmas, let’s all make a conscious effort to extend kindness and bring warmth to those who need it most. A small gesture from us could make their holiday season immeasurably brighter.

How To Survive Your First Christmas Alone

Your first Christmas alone doesn't have to be terrible. Make sure that you plan what you are going to do well in advance and that you arrange to keep busy over the holiday period.

Be organised and don't leave any spare time when you might brood. Don't worry about what your ex partner is doing or who they are spending it with; make sure that you are so busy having a good time that it doesn't matter what they are doing. Don't let any negative feelings (anger, jealousy) about your ex get in the way of enjoying yourself.

Prior to the Christmas break take advantage of all the parties you are invited to. If you haven't got a company party or a networking 'do' to go to then why not throw your own party? You can even throw themed parties - there are various pamper, chocolate and jewellery parties available. If everyone brings a bottle and a plate of food hosting a party doesn't have to be too expensive.

One of the options available is to go away on holiday. Why not fly to the Canary Islands with a friend. Have champagne by the swimming pool on Christmas Day and on New Years Eve thoroughly enjoy the party atmosphere. If you don't know anyone who is single why not try Buddies4Travel (www.buddies4travel.co.uk) who can help you find a suitable travelling companion.

Alternatively, if you lead a hectic life, you could decide to spend the time on your own and have some quiet 'me' time. Stock up on your favourite foods, a good book and some classic DVDs and relax.

Don't forget to buy yourself a self-indulgent present such as a beauty treatment, a massage or a new outfit.

If you have other single friends who are going to be on their own over Christmas you could get together and have a house party. Why not play some board games such as Scrabble, Scattergories, Trivial Pursuit or a Murder Mystery? You don't have to be a child to play games! If money is an issue make a pact not to buy each other presents or limit the cost of presents for each other and share the cost of the food and drink.

Another option is to volunteer to work for a charity over Christmas. Why not help provide lunch for the homeless or visit a lonely elderly person? These websites provide some ideas about how you can hel:-

www.timebank.org.uk/volunteer_christmas/
www.do-it.org.uk

If you have children you should communicate with your ex about the arrangements for the holiday well in advance. Reassure the children that you will be OK while they are spending time with your ex, that you have plans and will not be sad or upset. Ensure that they are happy with the arrangements that have been made for them.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Sue Atkins is a Parenting Expert, Broadcaster, Speaker and Author of the Amazon best selling book "Raising Happy Children for Dummies" one of the famous black and yellow series and the highly acclaimed Parenting Made Easy CDs. She has also just launched her 1st Parenting Made Easy app for iPhones and iPads.

She is currently writing a new book for Random House called "Parenting Made Easy" which will be available in April 2012.

Sue offers practical guidance for bringing up happy, confident, well behaved children from toddler to teen.

She regularly appears on BBC Breakfast and The Jeremy Vine Show on BBC Radio 2 and is the parenting expert for many BBC Radio Stations around the UK. She has a regular monthly parenting phone-in on BBC Radio Surrey & Sussex and her parenting articles are published all over the world.

To receive Sue's free ebook bursting with practical tips and helpful advice from toddler to teen log on to www.theSueAtkins.com and download it instantly today.