Creating a Safe and Special Christmas for Neurodivergent Family Members

Not fun for everyone

The festive season can be magical, but it can also be overwhelming—especially for neurodivergent family members.

Whether you have children or adults in your family with autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, or other neurodivergent conditions, a few thoughtful adjustments can transform Christmas from a stressful occasion to a joyful, inclusive celebration. 

Here’s how to make the holiday season special and safe for your neurodivergent loved ones.

1. Plan Ahead and Prepare Everyone

For neurodivergent individuals, unpredictability can be anxiety-inducing. The excitement and changes in routine that come with Christmas might feel chaotic rather than festive. To help mitigate this, start planning early:

Create a visual schedule: Use calendars, whiteboards, or even a simple piece of paper to outline key events, like when you’ll decorate the tree, visit family, or open presents. For younger children, using images can help them understand what to expect.

Involve them in the planning: Allowing them to have some control over the festivities can reduce stress. For example, ask if they’d like to help choose decorations or decide on Christmas activities.

Social stories: For children who may struggle with social interactions, prepare them with social stories that describe the Christmas activities and gatherings. This helps set expectations in a clear, manageable way.

2. Create a Sensory-Safe Space

The sensory overload that often accompanies Christmas—twinkling lights, loud music, strong smells, and bustling gatherings—can be overwhelming. To keep your neurodivergent family members comfortable:

Designate a quiet room: Set up a calming, distraction-free space where they can retreat if they start to feel overwhelmed. This space can include noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, fidget toys, or anything that helps them self-regulate.

Dim the lights: Flashing lights can be particularly overstimulating. Consider using softer, static lights or battery-operated candles to create a more calming atmosphere.

Be mindful of scents: Strong fragrances from candles, air fresheners, or cooking can be too intense for those with sensory sensitivities. Use unscented options or keep these to a minimum.

3. Adjust the Festive Environment

Christmas is often filled with bright colours, decorations, and festive clutter. For neurodivergent individuals who prefer minimalism or who may feel overwhelmed by visual stimuli, a little moderation can go a long way:

Decorate gradually: Rather than transforming the entire house overnight, consider introducing decorations one at a time to allow everyone to adjust to the changes.

Consider sensory-friendly decorations: Opt for soft, muted colours instead of intense reds and greens. Use natural elements like pinecones, dried oranges, and greenery to create a festive atmosphere without overstimulation.

Be conscious of noise: Keep music at a lower volume or choose instrumental Christmas tunes to reduce auditory overstimulation. You can even create a special playlist tailored to what your neurodivergent family members find soothing.

4. Be Flexible with Traditions

While traditions can be a source of comfort, they can also feel restrictive or stressful if they don’t align with someone’s sensory needs or preferences. It’s important to adapt traditions to be more inclusive:

Adapt the gift-giving process: Opening presents in front of others can be a high-pressure situation. Consider allowing neurodivergent family members to open gifts privately or at their own pace.

Adjust mealtimes: Large, noisy dinners might be too overwhelming. Offer quieter, smaller gatherings or allow them to eat in a separate, peaceful environment if they prefer.

Celebrate their way: Allow neurodivergent family members to opt out of activities they find stressful or participate in ways that suit them best. This could mean letting them skip a big family event in favour of a quiet movie night at home.

5. Focus on Comfort Over Conformity

Many of us feel pressure to have a “perfect” Christmas, filled with traditional elements. However, comfort should come before conformity, especially when it comes to your neurodivergent loved ones. Here’s how you can shift the focus:

Respect their boundaries: If your neurodivergent family member doesn’t enjoy hugging or physical touch, let them know it’s okay to decline it, even if it’s from well-meaning relatives.

Offer choices, not ultimatums: Allowing flexibility can reduce stress. For example, instead of insisting on wearing specific holiday attire, let them choose clothing that is comfortable for them.

Include their interests: Integrate their special interests into the celebration, whether it’s a themed movie night, playing their favourite games, or decorating with elements they love.

6. Embrace Digital and Virtual Celebrations

For neurodivergent family members who find in-person gatherings too overwhelming, virtual meetups can be a fantastic alternative. Video calls can allow them to connect with loved ones without the pressure of being in a crowded, noisy environment.

Plan shorter, structured calls: Long, unstructured calls can be exhausting. Instead, schedule brief, focused conversations that include planned activities like playing online games or sharing favourite holiday stories.

Create virtual routines: If you can’t all gather in person, consider live-streaming certain traditions, such as opening presents or singing carols, so everyone can participate in a way that feels safe.

7. Prioritise Self-Care and Down Time

The holiday season can be exhausting, even for those who thrive on social interactions. Ensure that your neurodivergent family members have ample time to rest and recharge:

Schedule downtime: Make space in your holiday calendar for quiet days at home with minimal expectations.

Encourage solo activities: For those who find joy in solitary hobbies like reading, crafting, or playing video games, allow them the freedom to engage in these activities without guilt.

Practice self-care: Encourage everyone, neurodivergent or not, to prioritise self-care during this busy time. This could be as simple as taking a quiet walk, having a long bath, or enjoying a favourite snack.

8. Communicate and Listen

Ultimately, the best way to ensure a safe and special Christmas for your neurodivergent family members is to communicate openly:

Ask for their input: Check in with your neurodivergent loved ones about how they’re feeling and if they’d like to suggest changes. This can make them feel heard and valued.

Be patient and flexible: Things may not go as planned, and that’s okay. Listen to what they need in the moment, even if it means changing your plans on the fly.