How to Ensure Everyone, Including Neurodivergent Family Members or Guests, Has a Good, Safe Christmas Season

Christmas is often painted as a season of joy, laughter, and togetherness. 

But for some, especially those who are neurodivergent, the festive period can feel overwhelming, exhausting, or even unsafe. 

The bright lights, noisy gatherings, changes to routine, and social expectations can all contribute to stress and sensory overload.

If you’re hosting family or friends this Christmas, here are some ways to ensure that everyone—including neurodivergent loved ones—can feel welcome, comfortable, and included.

1. Keep Communication Open

Before the big day, ask your guests if there are any specific needs or adjustments that would help them feel at ease. This might include dietary requests, seating preferences, or knowing in advance about loud activities (like crackers or music). A simple conversation shows that you care and helps avoid unnecessary stress.

2. Provide Quiet, Safe Spaces

Large gatherings can be overwhelming. If possible, designate a quiet room or cosy corner where someone can retreat if the noise, lights, or bustle gets too much. Stock it with soft lighting, blankets, or noise-cancelling headphones if you have them.

3. Be Mindful with Sensory Stimuli

Christmas often means twinkling lights, strong food smells, music, and crowds of people talking. For some, this can cause sensory overload. Consider:

Using static or slower twinkling lights instead of flashing ones. Also useful to consider if you have any photosensitive epileptics likely to attend.  

Keeping music at a moderate volume.

Offering fragrance-free candles or keeping heavily scented items to one area.

4. Respect Food Preferences and Routines

Food can be a huge part of Christmas, but also a source of anxiety for some neurodivergent people. If you can, provide some plain options (such as simple pasta, chicken, or bread rolls) alongside the festive dishes. Try not to pressure anyone into eating more or different foods than they’re comfortable with.

5. Plan Ahead and Share Schedules

For many neurodivergent people, sudden changes or lack of structure can be distressing. Creating a simple plan for the day, when meals will be served, when presents will be opened, and when games might be played, can be very reassuring. Share this in advance so guests know what to expect.

6. Balance Social Time with Downtime

Encourage a relaxed approach to the day. Allow space between activities and don’t be afraid to break from tradition if it means people will feel happier and safer. For example, not everyone needs to play every game, and not everyone has to sit around the table for hours.

7. Encourage Acceptance and Patience

If a family member or guest communicates differently, doesn’t make eye contact, or prefers to sit alone, remind others that this is absolutely okay. The season is about togetherness, but that doesn’t always mean doing everything in the same way.

8. Create Inclusive Traditions

Think about new ways to celebrate that everyone can enjoy, such as watching a Christmas film together, building a Lego set, or going for a gentle walk. Small, calm traditions can often mean more than the louder, busier ones.

9. Watch for Signs of Stress

Keep an eye out for signs that someone is becoming overwhelmed, such as restlessness, irritability, or withdrawing suddenly. If this happens, offer support quietly and without fuss. Sometimes just letting them know it’s okay to step away can make all the difference.

10. Remember: It’s About Comfort and Joy

The best Christmases aren’t the ones that look perfect in photographs, but the ones where everyone feels safe, valued, and included. By being thoughtful about neurodivergent needs, you’re making Christmas better for all your guests—because a relaxed, inclusive environment benefits everyone.

This Christmas, let’s celebrate with kindness, patience, and understanding, so that every family member, friend, and guest feels at home.

Creating a Safe and Special Christmas for Neurodivergent Family Members

Not fun for everyone

The festive season can be magical, but it can also be overwhelming—especially for neurodivergent family members.

Whether you have children or adults in your family with autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, or other neurodivergent conditions, a few thoughtful adjustments can transform Christmas from a stressful occasion to a joyful, inclusive celebration. 

Here’s how to make the holiday season special and safe for your neurodivergent loved ones.

1. Plan Ahead and Prepare Everyone

For neurodivergent individuals, unpredictability can be anxiety-inducing. The excitement and changes in routine that come with Christmas might feel chaotic rather than festive. To help mitigate this, start planning early:

Create a visual schedule: Use calendars, whiteboards, or even a simple piece of paper to outline key events, like when you’ll decorate the tree, visit family, or open presents. For younger children, using images can help them understand what to expect.

Involve them in the planning: Allowing them to have some control over the festivities can reduce stress. For example, ask if they’d like to help choose decorations or decide on Christmas activities.

Social stories: For children who may struggle with social interactions, prepare them with social stories that describe the Christmas activities and gatherings. This helps set expectations in a clear, manageable way.

2. Create a Sensory-Safe Space

The sensory overload that often accompanies Christmas—twinkling lights, loud music, strong smells, and bustling gatherings—can be overwhelming. To keep your neurodivergent family members comfortable:

Designate a quiet room: Set up a calming, distraction-free space where they can retreat if they start to feel overwhelmed. This space can include noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, fidget toys, or anything that helps them self-regulate.

Dim the lights: Flashing lights can be particularly overstimulating. Consider using softer, static lights or battery-operated candles to create a more calming atmosphere.

Be mindful of scents: Strong fragrances from candles, air fresheners, or cooking can be too intense for those with sensory sensitivities. Use unscented options or keep these to a minimum.

3. Adjust the Festive Environment

Christmas is often filled with bright colours, decorations, and festive clutter. For neurodivergent individuals who prefer minimalism or who may feel overwhelmed by visual stimuli, a little moderation can go a long way:

Decorate gradually: Rather than transforming the entire house overnight, consider introducing decorations one at a time to allow everyone to adjust to the changes.

Consider sensory-friendly decorations: Opt for soft, muted colours instead of intense reds and greens. Use natural elements like pinecones, dried oranges, and greenery to create a festive atmosphere without overstimulation.

Be conscious of noise: Keep music at a lower volume or choose instrumental Christmas tunes to reduce auditory overstimulation. You can even create a special playlist tailored to what your neurodivergent family members find soothing.

4. Be Flexible with Traditions

While traditions can be a source of comfort, they can also feel restrictive or stressful if they don’t align with someone’s sensory needs or preferences. It’s important to adapt traditions to be more inclusive:

Adapt the gift-giving process: Opening presents in front of others can be a high-pressure situation. Consider allowing neurodivergent family members to open gifts privately or at their own pace.

Adjust mealtimes: Large, noisy dinners might be too overwhelming. Offer quieter, smaller gatherings or allow them to eat in a separate, peaceful environment if they prefer.

Celebrate their way: Allow neurodivergent family members to opt out of activities they find stressful or participate in ways that suit them best. This could mean letting them skip a big family event in favour of a quiet movie night at home.

5. Focus on Comfort Over Conformity

Many of us feel pressure to have a “perfect” Christmas, filled with traditional elements. However, comfort should come before conformity, especially when it comes to your neurodivergent loved ones. Here’s how you can shift the focus:

Respect their boundaries: If your neurodivergent family member doesn’t enjoy hugging or physical touch, let them know it’s okay to decline it, even if it’s from well-meaning relatives.

Offer choices, not ultimatums: Allowing flexibility can reduce stress. For example, instead of insisting on wearing specific holiday attire, let them choose clothing that is comfortable for them.

Include their interests: Integrate their special interests into the celebration, whether it’s a themed movie night, playing their favourite games, or decorating with elements they love.

6. Embrace Digital and Virtual Celebrations

For neurodivergent family members who find in-person gatherings too overwhelming, virtual meetups can be a fantastic alternative. Video calls can allow them to connect with loved ones without the pressure of being in a crowded, noisy environment.

Plan shorter, structured calls: Long, unstructured calls can be exhausting. Instead, schedule brief, focused conversations that include planned activities like playing online games or sharing favourite holiday stories.

Create virtual routines: If you can’t all gather in person, consider live-streaming certain traditions, such as opening presents or singing carols, so everyone can participate in a way that feels safe.

7. Prioritise Self-Care and Down Time

The holiday season can be exhausting, even for those who thrive on social interactions. Ensure that your neurodivergent family members have ample time to rest and recharge:

Schedule downtime: Make space in your holiday calendar for quiet days at home with minimal expectations.

Encourage solo activities: For those who find joy in solitary hobbies like reading, crafting, or playing video games, allow them the freedom to engage in these activities without guilt.

Practice self-care: Encourage everyone, neurodivergent or not, to prioritise self-care during this busy time. This could be as simple as taking a quiet walk, having a long bath, or enjoying a favourite snack.

8. Communicate and Listen

Ultimately, the best way to ensure a safe and special Christmas for your neurodivergent family members is to communicate openly:

Ask for their input: Check in with your neurodivergent loved ones about how they’re feeling and if they’d like to suggest changes. This can make them feel heard and valued.

Be patient and flexible: Things may not go as planned, and that’s okay. Listen to what they need in the moment, even if it means changing your plans on the fly.