Rudolph v. Santa: The Great North Pole Lawsuit

A humorous festive tale in which Rudolph takes Santa to the North Pole tribunal for making him pull the sleigh while ill with COVID. A light-hearted Christmas courtroom caper!

A festive legal drama from the frosty files of That’s Christmas 365

Everyone knows the classic tale: a young reindeer with a glowing red nose steps up on Christmas Eve and saves the day.

Children cheer, carollers sing, and Rudolph becomes the North Pole’s most famous employee.

But what the public didn’t know, until this week, is that the red nose wasn’t magic at all. According to brand-new legal documents filed at the mythical “North Pole Employment Tribunal,” Rudolph claims he was actually down with a nasty bout of COVID, and Santa “wilfully ignored workplace health and safety obligations”.

Yes. Rudolph is suing Santa.

And the elves are loving it.

A Nose That Wasn’t Just Shiny—It Was 38.5°C

Rudolph states that, on Christmas Eve, he reported symptoms including:

A glowing red nose

A slight cough that sounded suspiciously like sleigh bells

Feeling “achy in all four legs”

A positive lateral-flow test (which the Elves later used as a bauble because the lines were so festive)

But Santa allegedly insisted the only real issue was Rudolph “being a bit dramatic” and that the glow was “excellent for visibility through fog”.

According to leaked internal correspondence, the Head Elf of HR wrote:

“Whilst we appreciate Rudolph’s unique luminescent qualities, forcing a symptomatic reindeer to undertake global sleigh-pulling duties may breach North Pole Occupational Health guidelines, subsection 4b: ‘Do not make contagious livestock operate airborne transport.’”

Santa’s Defence: “He Looked Fine to Me”

Santa, for his part, is fighting back, claiming that:

Rudolph volunteered for the shift after Donner complained he was on a zero-carrot contract.

Rudolph’s positive test was “faint, like when you leave it too long and it’s just picking up the snow”.

He assumed the red nose was simply “winter radiance” brought on by excitement.

His official statement reads:

“In the spirit of Christmas, I have always supported the welfare of my reindeer. Also, Rudolph is the only one with built-in headlights. Let’s be reasonable.”

The Elves’ Union, UNITE-THE-TOYMAKERS, has already announced a solidarity strike… which will last approximately ten minutes, as they got bored and went for hot chocolate.

Courtroom Chaos at the North Pole

Proceedings are scheduled to take place at the Candy Cane Courthouse, where:

The Judge is Mrs Claus (independent, but not unbiased, she has opinions).

The jury consists of six penguins and a polar bear who promises to stay awake “unless something edible wanders past”.

The stenographer is an Elf who types exclusively in candy-cane-striped font.

Rudolph’s legal team includes Blitzen (for dramatic effect) and Vixen (for sass).

Santa is representing himself, which everyone agrees is brave but misguided.

What Rudolph Wants

The claim seeks:

Unlimited access to the “Posh Hay” storage barn

One full shift off every century

A glowing-nose allowance

A written apology from Santa Claus, embossed in gold, framed in gingerbread

And hazard pay for “exposure to inclement weather and airborne chimney soot”

Insiders say Santa is considering settling the case early, as Mrs Claus has already warned that “if Rudolph doesn’t get at least the posh hay, there will be trouble”.

Public Reaction

Across the world, reactions have been mixed:

Children: “Rudolph had COVID? Does this mean Santa might have it too? Should we leave out Lemsip instead of milk?”

Reindeer-rights activists: “This is exactly why we need stronger labour regulations in seasonal magical workplaces.”

The NHS: “Please stop calling to ask if reindeer can book PCR tests. We don’t have a protocol for that.”

A Christmas Moral

Perhaps the lesson here is simple:

Even Christmas legends deserve sick leave.

And if your nose glows so brightly it can guide a sleigh through a blizzard, maybe—just maybe—have a lie-down and sip something warm before you fly around the world at Mach 3.

Rudolph is now recovering well and has taken up yoga, while Santa is reportedly attending a mandatory seminar titled:

“Managing Magical Creatures: Employment Law for Festive Employers”.

The North Pole HR department has also quietly ordered 2,000 lateral-flow tests, 500 masks, and a laminated sign reading:

“If your nose is glowing, DON’T GO SNOWING.”